It's like a parade of train wrecks.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
