just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize