This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
