Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
