meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Randomize
