I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
