he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
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