Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
