I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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