Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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