even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
