just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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