hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I'm like, not good at living.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
