he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
