he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
She told me I should be a condom model.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
