i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Randomize
