I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
