But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
