No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Randomize
