it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
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