Someone shit on the floor
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
