I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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