At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
