She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
i already hear my dad disowning me
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I enjoy the company of your penis
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
