I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
