Bisexual people are plain selfish.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
