Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize