Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
