and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
