But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
