My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Randomize
