I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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