If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
