I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
