I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
