her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
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