I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
