im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Randomize
