Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
