Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
