I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize