whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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