did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
