It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Randomize
