I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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