so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
