you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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