Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize