hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
