the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
My breasts were aching with rage.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Randomize
