I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
