she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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