I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
