Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
