You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
