my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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