He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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