question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
