he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
