So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Randomize