my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
not ubering you a puppy
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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