this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
