I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
