I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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