my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
