Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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