I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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