sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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