I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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