I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
