Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
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