I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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