All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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