I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
why do cheetos always look like penises
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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