he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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