Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
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