Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
