Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize