I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
