think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
she told me i tasted like america
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
