omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
