Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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