my phone needs a breathalizer
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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