dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
