i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
