running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
