So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize