it's not cheating when I paid for it
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
