My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
