omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
No stitches, just platelets and will power
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
