Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
