What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
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