just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Randomize
