She's JV to your varsity
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
