Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
