How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
