i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
