Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize