I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Randomize
