i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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