I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I'm like, not good at living.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
