my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Randomize
