I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
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