i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize