We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Randomize
