so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
