So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
