Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
