The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
