It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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