What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
