dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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