She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Randomize
